Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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