Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
