omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What a dumb baby whore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
