Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
