I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
