she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
