am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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