He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
