I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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