Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
