why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
