so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
