I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
