I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
