also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
