After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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