using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
