I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
