My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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