Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
