i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
