We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
