What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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