so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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