it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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