if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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