At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
