i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
