'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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