i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
