Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
