How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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