Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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