dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
