You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
