Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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