ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
