I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
