my being single is dangerous.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
