his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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