Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
