She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
