We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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