I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
