he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
