People in love make me want to vomit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
