dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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