Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
