the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
