it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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